Thursday, May 21, 2009

From Nowhere

The boss gave me the suits, he says.
We was supposed to put them on.
Go down to Angelico Street.
And wait, he says.
I'm just listening now.
These are the most words Barney has ever said to me.
Big Eddie was coming in as I was leaving, he says.
Big Eddie always had an even bigger mouth.
Claimed he had a job on Angelico Street that night.
Two stiffs in blue suits.
So I pulled out my gun, he says.
I shot Big Eddie too, he says.
The death toll rises.
What did we do to get listed?
I don't know, he says.
Except that we've been working for the boss the longest, he says.
Maybe he wanted to cut some corners.
Salvation had a cut above his left eye and bloodied for a living.
So where we going to now?
He was silent.
I didn't push.
You don't push Barney.
I missed my ma, all of a sudden.
I never even thought about her anymore.
The look of disappointment on her face.
She knew what I was doing for all that money I was throwing on her.
And she didn't approve.
And she stopped taking the money.
She was sick.
And she started getting sicker.
I kept sending money.
But it came right back to me, torn in half.
Then I read in the paper she died one night.
At the free clinic, no less.
What a shitty life.
I could have made it better.
But she was righteous.
And god loved her.
Maybe he took her away from me.
Knew I was doing a shitty job of taking care of her.
Fuck it.
I just wished she was still alive to see me get out of the business.
Or maybe I was glad she was dead.
So she couldn't see this blow up in my face.
The air in the car was getting muggy and hot.
The windows stuck, but I could still roll it down.
I loved that feeling, cold air washing over me.
Then it hit me.
Where the hell did you get a gun?

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