DISCLAIMER: Do not continue reading if you are squeamish, just skip the next couple of lines, then continue on down the page...
I awoke this morning in a pool of my own blood.
No, I had not been shot or stabbed in the middle of the night. The curse of the bitch came upon me while I slept, and thus I bled.
We are a strong gender as we can bleed for a week and not die. That's pure evil right there...
But the worst part is the feeling I get whenever I get my (I'm going to say it; prepare yourself) period. I've only noticed this emotion in the past couple of years, which makes me believe your body can betray you in numerous ways.
I am always terribly relieved to find that I am not pregnant, as I am definitely not ready for a baby.
But I am also so sad... that I am not pregnant. I know, contradictory and nonsense. But that's common for most women to not make sense with their emotions.
How can you want something and not want something at the same time. For almost the entire month I had dreams of a dark headed baby girl with green eyes. I had her at my breast, bouncing on my knee, watching her in her father's arms... and it was a wonderful dream. I woke each time with a smile, a warmth, and a slight ache.
There is a happiness there that I cannot explain. I am terrified of having my own children. You give up yourself, your wants and desires, for the wants and desires of someone else. I don't know if I am that type of person. Can I give all of myself to someone else? Someone that is literally half of me?
Perhaps. But for now, I go back to cleaning a bloody red stain out of the sheets.