You know how I feel right now?
I don't know why. I just got off work, I have to be there again in 7 hours. I should be sleeping. But instead, my mind is turning in on itself, thinking thoughts I don't want to be thinking. Feeling things I shouldn't be feeling.
In my dreams lately, the color dreams, I am being chased. Chased by a monster, a monster that bears down upon me, no matter how fast I run. In the dream, I keep creating these safe places. Such as, while attempting to hide in a house (that I know in real life) from this monster, I created this secret compartment, an underground safety room. I closed myself off, and promptly woke up.
Why do I always feel like I need to protect myself? Why am I always running? Why do I try to please every fucking person around me, then forget that I have needs and wants, too? Why do I put everyone before myself?
Why am I still fucking awake, typing on the computer, asking myself a million freaking questions?
There's another question right now.
I just want to make everyone happy. I want to make him happy. I try so hard.
Sometimes I fall short. Just forgive me for the wrongs I do.