Monday, March 2, 2009

Food Journals

I've been through this routine before. And it is unbearable and embarrassing.

The psychologist I am seeing has insisted I keep a food, exercise, and purging journal. Anytime I do any one of those three things I have to record it in my little notebook. I hate showing this to people. I hate people seeing what I eat and when I eat. What if they think I am eating too much? I always assume other people are judging me and my habits. Yes, paranoid crazy. But I cannot control it. Yet.

I like this new girl though. My past therapists would talk about the journal. But it was just food and exercise. This girl was smart enough to tell me to record my purging habits. And when I started to balk against her suggestion, she said she would keep her own journal with me. Which is slightly helpful. I can look through her journal as she looks through mine.

I am not sure how or if I will ever get past this eating disorder. But I hope so. I am really trying. Its slow going and tedious. And painful. And embarrassing.

One day.

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