Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Someone Was Inside Me

And I hated it...

I awoke this morning, like any other day, with a lingering feeling I had some obligation to fulfill. I pulled out my calendar, and sure enough, I have an appointment at 10:30.

With the gynecologist.


If you are a female reading this, you know the pain of which I speak. Its such a weird feeling, although I'm way past the humiliating point of it, to have someone right there and having a conversation about her nephew's upcoming graduation and career goals.

So I go to the office. They do all the normal stuff, load me up with birth control, condoms, ask me if I take multi-vitamins, calcium, do I smoke, they weigh me (which I hate the most really). Then I'm showed to the room in the back.

I undress, putting on the paper vest and skirt, all the while the doctor is chatting me up. Then she walks in, still talking, and pushes me back on the examining table, opening my vest and palpitating my boobs.

Which I don't mind. Its kind of like a strange massage. So I close my eyes and enjoy it, while we chat away about mundane things. Then she pops the table up (boobs are lump free by the way) and throws up the stirrups.

My vag is open to the air. I'm a shaver, so its really cold down there now.
Then, all the poking and prodding, sample taking, finger insertion to feel the uterus etc...

Then the weirdest thing of all... Its never happened to me before in the 6 years I've been going...

"You have a perfectly formed vagina and vulva. I could teach a class with it."

Thank you?


Sir Types-A-Lot said...

Okay, I'm suitably disturbed now. It's things like this that make me glad I'm a man. This and the fact that the world is my toilet.

Lenina Crowne said...

I'll do my best to disturb you even more.