I'm still in school.
Its been 7 years, and I'm still in school.
Now, yes, some things came up in those seven years - mental disorder diagnoses, marriage, divorce, death, change of majors, change of schools. But the fact of the matter remains.
I am still in school.
And as much as I pretend I'm glad I'm still moving forward and working toward my degree, every time I do a homework assignment, every time I study for a test, every time I drive toward campus, the extreme disappoint in myself shines through. And hurts.
The only thing I wish to change about my past, my only true regret, is not finishing and graduating on time. There isn't much I could do to change it, but I wish I could.
I am 25, and I have yet to get my bachelor's degree, even though I have been in college since my high school graduation. I feel like a failure.
I love myself. I love me as a person, my character and my thoughts and my beliefs and my loves.
I just hate that I cannot do this one simple task. Something that everyone else from my graduating class, and now younger, have done. How can I not feel like a failure, even slightly.
Most of the time I move past this, but as of late, I can't. I can't focus on the task at hand because I am so focused on the disappointment. Which I know in itself is hindering me. I want to pull my own weight, but I can't support myself; I need someone else to do it. I want to be independent. Can love survive a dependent relationship?
I don't want to lose what I have because of my inadequacies. Sometimes I feel I'm not good enough for anyone.
Someone pull out the violins. Its a pity party for 1.